I got my cap and gown today. My mom brought it home from the parent meeting and I just looked at it, in all of its royal blue, terrifying glory. Truly, I cannot express how weird it is. I mean, look out world, I’m a fourth quarter senior. What? When on God’s green earth did this happen? It honestly seems like it was just Thanksgiving.
What are my feelings about all of this, you may ask? Well, I can’t really tell you, as I am just beginning to sort them out myself. You can take your pick out of anxiety, relief, excitement, sadness, and nostalgia, but the list still goes on. I am freaked out. As the year comes to a close (and the seniors start showing up to school less and less), I have come to travel daily through a rollercoaster of these emotions while contemplating my future course. Sure, I am super excited about finding out what God has in store for me in these upcoming years and where my path may lead me, but Charlotte has a special place in my heart and I am extremely apprehensive about leaving it behind.
I constantly hear my friends talking about how ready they are to “get out,” but I do not particularly share that sentiment. I love almost everything about Charlotte; about my home; about my friends. I even love Charlotte’s ungodly amount of pollen that has suddenly begun to turn every car green. I mean, come on, I go to the Starbucks at the Arboretum, I shop at SouthPark, I eat at McAlister’s with my boyfriend, and I get my hair cut at Planet 21. Overall, I have a routine and a place here, and that will be hard to leave behind.
However, there is a time for everything, and this is our time to move on, our time to grow up (even if it is forced upon us just to avoid being fifth-year seniors). Whether I’ll decide to attend UCLA, Carolina, or one of the multitude of others I applied to, next year will be a new beginning and a fresh chance to make what I want to of myself. Even though a dorm has four walls and a ceiling, it doesn’t mean it will be my home. How could it ever fully be? I’ll be living with someone I don’t know that might have a strange obsession with comic books and I will eat food in a cafeteria that probably won’t ever understand just how picky I am, and I know for a fact I will start to miss my mom’s cooking. Therefore, I will definitely come back to the Queen City as much as I possibly can, though it will be different.
To be honest, now that I think about it, that one word sums up my view of next year: different. Unlike the majority of my friends, “freedom” just doesn’t seem to fit for me. I am not looking forward to college as a way to get out of my house, a chance to make my own rules, or an opportunity to stay out as late as I’d like, but simply as something unlike anything I have experienced (if you don’t count summer camp, of course, but I would imagine that doesn’t exactly compare). Regardless, it’s a step outside of my comfort zone, whether I like it or not. Actually, I’m pretty sure I should expect a pretty huge leap. Lord? I’m going to need some assistance.
(Kate will be attending the University of Maryland in the fall.)
Wednesday May, 16, 2012 at 02:00PM